Category: Miscellaneous

Ficiton is currently under (re)construction. We can rebuild it. We have the technology. Better than it was before. Stay tuned…

I used to think if I had more time, I could write more. When I was in school, I was able to write in study hall, but schoolwork took up a lot of time. When I was in school and working, the only time I had to write was late at night. A few months after I finished college, I met my husband and ended up spending a lot of my newly found free time with him. Over the years I have tried to eke out time where I could, but I always felt, like many I’m sure, that if I only had more time I could accomplish so much more. I was wrong.

About a year ago, my husband moved to second shift. Suddenly I had all the time I could want, about five hours a day during the week and eight on the weekend. How could I go wrong with such yawning stretches of time?

Well, the first problem was, simply, the fact that he gets home after 11:00. I have to get up at 7:00. If I want to see him at all (I do) I can’t get as much sleep as I need. Couple that with an hour and a half total commute and work that, while often intellectually stimulating, can also be draining, and within days of switching to this new schedule I was falling asleep on the couch every night. And these weren’t refreshing naps. I didn’t wake up ready to take on the world and write a few chapters. I felt like I’d been dragged from the depths and all I wanted was to sink back down.

But being tired is not my biggest obstacle. I’ve been tired since I was a teenager. I used to write until two o’clock in the morning, sleep for a few hours, then get up and go to class. Granted, I drank a lot of coffee and soda, but I used to get a second wind late at night, and to be honest, I think I do some of my best work when I’m tired. Your inner critic falls asleep and your mind becomes a little loose and giddy, and it’s easier to slip into the creative flow. Not a good time for editing, but boy can the pages fly by.

So if my problem isn’t a lack of time, and it’s not being tired, then what is it? I’m not quite sure why it took my so long to figure this out, but it’s migraines. I’ve had headaches for as long as I can remember: I found diary entries from when I was 10 that mentioned having a headache. Throughout my life, I’ve thought they were sinus headaches or tension headaches or any other kind of headache you can think of. I thought because I didn’t see auras or throw up that I didn’t have migraines, but after talking to my mother, who suffers from migraines, and reading the amazing book The Migraine Brain by Carolyn Bernstein, I realized that I, too, suffer from migraines. Interestingly enough, Bernstein lists fatigue as a possible symptom of both the pre-migraine and post-migraine phases, so I’m curious to see if treating my migraines will lessen my bone-weariness. I’ve tried a couple treatments so far without much success (one worked but caused terrible rebound headaches and the other hasn’t done much of anything yet), but I plan on seeing a neurologist ASAP, so I am hopeful for the future. Every thing that doesn’t work leads me closer to the one that will.

My husband will be moving back to day shift beginning in March, so my endless stretches of time will be disappearing, but I’m working on a plan to get as much out of the time I will have. According to an article in Writer’s Digest, there is an author who writes a novel a year in twenty-minute daily sessions. I should be able to find at least that much time, and if I can successfully treat my migraines, that may be all the time I need. At the very least, if I can get my migraines under control, I’ll have one less excuse for not writing.

These three are just about equal in my eyes, so this is really more of a three-way tie for first. I think I could probably die feeling pretty good about myself if I accomplished any of them (although I suppose that could really be said about anything on this list). If I ever manage to achieve all three, you’ll have to ask me which one was actually the best.

3. To be a guest voice on The Simpsons. This is my oldest goal on the list other than actually getting published. I’ve watched The Simpsons since its larval stage on The Tracey Ullman Show. When it started to become the cool place for famous people to show up, I started to want to be a guest voice on the show. But I figured this was never going to happen, because at that point in my life I had already realized that if I was ever going to be famous, it would be as a writer, and what show would have a writer as a guest voice?

Well, The Simpsons, it turns out. In 2000 they had an episode where they had not one, but several writers guest star on the show: Stephen King, Amy Tan, Maya Angelou, Tom Wolfe. It was amazing. I told myself it was a one-time deal, but it wasn’t. In the many years since they’ve had several other authors as well as other “obscure” guest stars: scientists, artists, etc. There was no reason why I couldn’t be on the show too. So I made a vow to myself that I would get famous, and I would be a guest voice on The Simpsons. I became worried after the show had been on for years and years and I still wasn’t famous that it would end before I had my chance, but since it shows no signs of stopping any time soon, I think I still have a pretty good shot. A better shot, it turns out, than I do at Number 2.

2. To be a pick for Oprah’s book club. I may have run out of time on this one, since Oprah announced the end of her show and the lead time for getting a book published is simply too long. Hopefully she will continue her book club in some form or another on her new network. I’ve read a couple of the books she has picked over the years and am familiar with others, and I think the Venn diagram of Oprah’s literary interests and my writing would have a pretty significant overlap.

1. To be a guest on The Daily Show and/or The Colbert Report. This one is going to be tough, and The Daily Show is probably impossible, but I think I have an outside chance at The Colbert Report. As far as The Daily Show is concerned, I’m simply not the kind of author they have on. I am neither a famous person nor a political or social non-fiction writer. The only fiction writers they tend to have on The Daily Show are famous political people who have written fiction novels, like Jimmy Carter or Newt Gingrich. I did get some encouragement from Stephen Colbert when he had John Grisham on his show (he also had Stephen King on, but partly because his name was Stephen, which mine, unfortunately, is not), since he’s pretty much only famous for being a writer. So that made me think that maybe someday if I was famous for being a writer, I might make it on The Colbert Report. I have gotten to be in the audience of a Daily Show taping, so at least that’s something.

So there you go, my list of Things I’d Love To Do. I’ll be sure to keep you posted if anything of them actually happen. And now, off to work on number nine…

Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s hoping 2010 will be the best year yet. As promised, here are 4-6 in my list of things I’d love to do.

Number 6: Write an X-Men story. I love the X-Men. The characters are multi-dimensional, the conflict between Professor Xavier and Magneto’s Brotherhood fascinates me, and they’ve had some great storylines over the years. I think writing an X-Men story would be a really cool thing to do. I even have a plot, although if I get to use it some people will think I stole one of the main characters from Heroes. Well, let me go on record now. Stephen King says he didn’t steal the plot for Under the Dome from The Simpsons Movie, and I say I didn’t steal my X-Men character from Heroes. If you have people with abilities that come from genetic mutations, you’re bound to end up with some crossover. There are only so many superpowers to go around. The plot is nothing like Heroes, at least.

Number 5: To get to work with Joss Whedon, Hugh Jackman, and/or Angelina Jolie. This actually ties in with number 6 in a couple of ways, neither of which has anything to do with me. Joss Whedon has written a series of X-Men stories and Hugh Jackman, obviously, played Wolverine (my favorite X-Man) in the movies. I think all three are amazingly talented and if any of my novels ever gets made into a movie, I would be ecstatic if any of them were involved.

Number 4: To win a screenwriting Oscar. Of course, if anyone is going to make a movie out of a novel of mine, it would be cool if I got to write the screenplay, really cool to be nominated for an Oscar, and beyond cool to actually win one. I have written a couple of screenplays as side projects, so the format wouldn’t be completely foreign to me. I hate giving speeches, but if I actually win an Oscar I’m sure everyone in the room and watching at home would be very happy and relieved if all I said was, “Thank you,” and I think I can manage that.

Next time, the top three.

‘Tis the season for making resolutions, but this year instead of personal goals like exercising more and getting organized, I thought I would share a list of nine professional writing goals and desires of mine. In her book Write it Down, Make it Happen, Henriette Anne Klauser espouses the belief that writing down the things you want to achieve in life can help you focus your energy on those goals so that you can actually accomplish them. She says to write down your wildest dreams, and if you truly want them, you will be amazed to see how many you actually accomplish. It’s an idea embraced by many authors and speakers and their audiences. I’ll admit, I’m not entirely sure I buy it, but I know people who believe it has worked for them, and at the very least I figure it can’t hurt. The list I’m going to share over the next few posts is organized in a loose hierarchy, with basic goals on the bottom, wilder aspirations in the middle, and shooting for the moon at the top. I’ll start with the bottom three.

Number 9: Get a book published. Pretty simple, pretty straightforward, except for the actual doing it part. This is the foundation of my list. Without it, I’m pretty much dead in the water as far as the other goals are concerned. So, for the foreseeable future, I will be working to get this one accomplished.

Number 8: Have a book on a bestseller list. Any of the majors (New York Times, USA Today, Amazon, Indie Bestsellers) will do, I’m not picky. It doesn’t even have to be number one, or last long. Some of my loftier goals would help achieve this one, but I most likely won’t be able to achieve those goals until I’ve achieved this one, so there you go.

Number 7: Write a pep talk for NaNoWriMo. NaNo sends out several pep talks over the course of November to help spur participants in their quest to reach 50,000 words. Many of these are written by Chris Baty, NaNo’s founder, but recently some well-known and well-regarded authors have pitched in, including Piers Anthony, Janet Fitch, Sue Grafton, Philip Pullman, Tom Robbins, and Neil Gaiman. Their pep talks, and others, are archived here if you’d like to check them out. Since I’ve participated in NaNo a number of times, the idea of not only helping inspire some weary participants to keep trying, but also joining such an illustrious group, makes me a little giddy, especially if the book I’ve published under Number 9 happens to be one I began during NaNo. I’m not sure how these authors get chosen, but my grand scheme is to 1) get published and 2) talk about NaNo and writing a pep talk as much as possible and see if that works. If not, I suppose I can always resort to begging.

So there you go. Big goals, still within the realm of possibility even if the chances are slim. Next time, the wilder aspirations.